tracking time

I’m trying to be better about not wasting time. I struggle with this regularly, because it’s an avoidance mechanism I fall into when I’m overwhelmed. I spent so much time last year feeling overwhelmed, that I expected this year to be a breeze by comparison. What everyone knows is that time fills, whether it’s with positive or negative things, wants or requirements, and the feeling of being overwhelmed is internal as much as external.

That’s a long way of saying I’m trying to block time in my schedule for things and also track time using an app, and I’m not sure that’s the way to go. (Writing out loud here) I like the blocking, visually, though I don’t always stick to it, though I think I’m getting better. It’s also a way to visually identify when I’ll need help driving or when there’s not a chance in Hades we’ll be able to eat anything close to dinner together.

The app is what I’m unsure about right now. I liked the idea when I started it. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have tried it at all. I set up categories for writing, editing, blogging, journalling. But honestly, with work and being a mom (aka driver) and all the random things in my life, my writing time on good days hasn’t approached more than an hour in a long time. I’m aware of that, and working that number higher is part of why I wanted to track time this fall. However, it’s disheartening to read, “you focused for 48 minutes today,” when you’re exhausted and feel like you’ve gotten pretty much everything on your to-do list accomplished.

I considered tracking other things just to up that number. Workouts. Meditation. Appointments and errands for my mom.

That feels a little like cheating, because most of those things can be done on autopilot. They’re not really focused activities. (Ok, maybe the meditation.)

I guess I’m writing to think today, because I’m starting to see that maybe 48 minutes of focused writing is better than zero minutes or six minutes or eleven minutes. Maybe instead of feeling bad about that small section of time, I should use it as a reminder that I’m finding time at all, something I couldn’t even pretend to do last fall when my mom was newly diagnosed and I couldn’t focus on a THOUGHT for eleven minutes, let alone a journal entry.

I will stick with it for now, 48 minutes at a time.