unsettled

I had to look back to see if I’d titled another post “unsettled” in the last few weeks, because this feeling somehow feels a bit unshakable right now. I’m done with work, but I still go in periodically. It’s summer (and sunny, exactly at this moment) but definitely not warm enough to feel like summer. The kids are out, but we haven’t adjusted to our summer schedules yet — and things change next week when Ab goes to Boston, anyway.

It’s a surreal time of year, when we’re sidestepping unemptied backpacks to get to recital bags and spending so much money on “just one more thing” from a list or another meal outside the home, because we’re all rushing in different directions. I love new beginnings, and the end (and beginning) of the school year always feel like that, but they’re stressful, too.

What are we forgetting? Are we remembering to take a break and enjoy the celebrations happening all around us? Did we write thank you cards? I did change and wash the sheets this week, right?

There’s a lot going on.

I think it might be more annoying for Ryan than anyone, since his schedule remains the same, and we’re basically bringing a bizarre combination of chaos, bursts of productivity, and moments of ennui into his normally calm working environment. He is kind, always, and says he doesn’t mind, but I feel like he might be trying not to add to the feeling of unsettled chaos. I know it would bother me.

I’m making lists and not getting them finished to satisfaction. I’m eating things I know hurt my stomach, and I’m regretting it after. I still have flowers in the garage I have to plant somewhere, though I’m not sure where, and we all know my gardening skills are abysmal.

Random activities ensure the days feel untethered to anything like reality. Today, for instance, I’ve been to the shower, the orthodontist’s office, and a Brandy Melville store that felt too small and was farther away than I remember Ann Arbor being — and the day isn’t done yet.

Still. I’m waking most mornings to the cat’s meow instead of an alarm, though I sometimes set an alarm as backup because the cat is nothing if not complicated. I’ll settle into the new normal — probably just in time for the back to school sales to begin.